Since publishing Bhakti Ananda Goswami’s article
Hare Krishna !
Sri Sri Guru and Gauranga ki jaya !
Please accept my humble obeisances offered to the sanga there.
I was raised as a non-denominational Protestant. Intrigued by the Old Testament stories of pre-Abraham Canaanites, Minoans, Rhodians, Babylonians, Assyrians, Egyptians, Greeks and others who also worshiped the ‘One True God’ of the Hebrews, Israelites and Jews, I wanted to know why my own Protestant family and neighbors were so accustomed to thinking of their God in exclusive terms. I had many questions that no one could answer. So, i began a study of the Holy Names in the Old and New Testament, comparing those Names to Deity Names and related doctrines etc.in the other cultures mentioned in the Biblical narratives. To make a very long story short, tracing the Biblical Names led me to Vaishnavism. Then Srila Prabhupada’s Books clarified exactly the nature of the relationship between the Western and Eastern Bhakti Traditions i had been studying.
From 1970 to 1973 I began attending the temple and eventually was initiated and placed my children in the Dallas Gurukula. In 1973-4 i worked at Spiritual Sky Incense (L.A. California) Eventually my children and i lived in or near ashrams, regularly attended the Temple, and served a second time in Dallas, in San Deigo, L.A., Berkley, Mt. Kailas, Portland, Seattle, and the British Columbia farm. Due to the repeated ‘Gurukula’ neglect and abuse of the children, i repeatedly was forced to leave my service and find separate housing and support for them. Despite decades of problems, i have always retained respect and love for Iskcon, which, in my opinion, has many saints in it. However, my ability to trust the organization with my life, and the lives of my children (Krishna’s lives all) was irrepairably damaged, so i have remained as a well-wishing ‘outsider’ for some years now. After my children grew up, during a visit, i took vanaprastha at the temple of Sri Sri Radha Vrindavan Chandra in W. Virginia. Radhanatha Swami and Varshana Swami were the acting Leaders during that period due to Kirtanananda Swami’s troubles. After some years in the vanaprastha ashram (i did not reside at New Vrindavan, but returned home to live alone in the woods), i again visited the East Coast, where i visited various Temples, and talked to senior Godbrothers, like Chandramauli Swami, Bhakti Tirtha Swami, and Radhanatha Swami about my devotional service, and my desire to take the vows of sannyas. Due to my miserable physical state, i was concerned that i could not live the traditional traveling life of a sannyasi. However, despite my wretched material condition, Srila Radhanatha Swami encouraged me. In his great mercy, he fulfilled all my desires by performing my fire sacrifice and giving me my sannyas name. Since, at that time, he was still with the League of Devotees (separated from Iskcon), i am not an Iskcon sannyasi.
I have been a sannysi nearly ten years now. I have been studying Vaishnavism for about 35 years, and have been a student of A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami for 30 years. I do not initiate, but i have founded an ecumenical religious association for the purpose of fostering NON-SECTARIAN BHAKTI, through dialogue and cooperation between Catholics, Vaishnavas, Jews and others who are devoted to the service of the Lord and His people. Practically speaking, i am unable to accomplish much of anything due to serious health problems from the late effects of childhood polio (read ‘karma’), which keep me bed-ridden most of the time. None the less, i am determined to preach and serve anyway i am able. Since this computer was recently donated by my daughter and her family, i am trying to preach from my bed.
This is the first time i have ever been on the internet, and i am trying to locate devotee sites, so i can pass my research information on to the devotees for their pleasure and preaching work.
Incidently, i was well respected as a scholar when i was doing my BA and Master’s Degree work on all these connections. At one point, i was even honored at the World Hindu Conference in Sri Lanka in 1982, and by the leaders of the World Hindu Organization in Nepal, and the World Fellowship of Religions and Universal Sanatan Dharma Foundation in India. I was also blessed with the formal anointing and prayers of Dr. Rup Lal Batra, and Acharya Prabhakar Mishra, Srila Prabhupada’s intimate First Disciple and Friend.
Returning to the USA, i was again hospitalized repeatedly, eventually becoming incommunicado. It was widely assumed that i had died. Despite my great efforts to communicate my findings to the scholars and leadership of Iskcon, none cared to pursue or use my information .
My offerings have continued to be rejected. Regrettably, due to illness, related poverty, and no acknowlegement of my service, or help from within Iskcon, i have been whithering away in isolation for years. Thus i am now no longer going to scholars and leaders with a straw between my teeth, begging them to accept my offering and to do something with it. Now i am taking this information to anyone i can reach who will listen inoffensively. After so many years of the Iskcon ‘knowledge filter’ screening-out my contribution, i can only conclude that some powerful leaders in the Movement are either so anti-Judeo-Christian / Catholic, or so invested in the ‘New Age’ neo-Gnostic Jesus, that that are willing to ignore all the vast amount of Krishna-centric evidence i have accumulated, in order to avoid its Judeo-Catholic implications. They would rather continue presenting anti-Jewish disinformation and neo-gnostic nonsense about Jesus, than to accept an ocean of nectar about ancient global Vaishnavism, pouring through a humble ‘bona-fide’ Judeo-Christian source. They have made name and fame attacking Judeo-Catholic Guru, Shastra and Sadhu, and they will thus not acknowledge or support the diffusion of information which is contrary to their Theosophical / ascended masters-like teachings.
It is not my job to fight with these fellows. Their followers want to hear the stuff they are preaching. I just want the devotees to be able to get access to what i am saying as well. It is my service to the devotees, Gur and Gauranga, and it should not be supressed or censured because it differs from what some other devotee is saying.
As a devotee of Lord Jesus, I am in His Parampara as a ‘practicing’ Catholic and a hermit under private vows. I have been a Catholic as a Christian, since i learned the principle of Guru Shastra and Sadhu from Srila Prabhupada. I experiance no conflict of conscience between my Vaishnava and Catholic Faith. To me they are one and the same. There is no division in my heart or mind. I expressed this to Bhakti Tirtha Swami, Radhanatha Swami, and other Sannyasis, who all encouraged me to take sannyas and to continue my sadhana. My children and i were baptized in 1969, and confirmed in about 1980. When i was being told whose picture to keep on my home altar (a ‘Zonal Acharya’s ) by Iskcon authorities, at the same time, as a Catholic, i could choose my own Guru and Saints. As a Catholic I could venerate Srila Prabhupada, but as an Iskcon devotee, i was being compelled to venerate someone else in Srila Prabhupada’s place. This was intolerable to me. I would rather be Catholic and allowed to venerate Srila Prabhupada, than an Iskcon member being forced to worship someone else against my heart.
I want to stay out of the entire Ritvik, and all other controversies. I have avoided offences most of the time for my 30 years in the ‘Movement’, but, i must preach. If some leader takes exception to my preaching, then i am truely sorry, but i cannot stop preaching. My voice has been muffled too long already. I am everyones’ well-wisher, but i must speak the truth as i know it. I hope this satisfies all your questions about me. Perhaps i should add that i have not abused women, children or men under my care. Nor have i used or sold drugs, guns or other contraband, or robbed or cheated anyone. I have loving relationships with my priest and doctor of over 20 years, my other friends and family. I am full of faults, but somehow Lord Nityananda Balarama has kept me out of trouble all these years. He has given my children the incredible compassion and forgivingness to forgive me for all the years i failed to protect them from abuse in Iskcon schools and communities.
Without Sri Baladeva, i am sure i would have become a very great sinner, therefore, Lord Balarama is my Life and soul.I have actually realized that there is no question of gwtting the mercy of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu, without firs getting the mercy of Lord Nityananda Balarama. Since i have surrendered to Him, His ‘Mercy is all’ that i am made of.
May He pour out His mercy on all sinful, suffering beings, and take us all home, back to Godhead, Amen
Aum and HARE KRISHNA
Lord Ananta Balarama ki jaya !
Srila Prabhupada ki jaya !
your aspiring servant, Tridandi Sannyasi Bhakti Ananda Goswami
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